Government Should Not Censor All Music With Violent or Explicit Lyrics
These days, every song is evaluated by inquiry commission before they are played by mass media, and some violent or explicit lyrics are censored and prohibited so they cannot be played by mass media. Government claims that the government secures the ethicality and public character through this kind of censorship. At this point, many debates deal with this topic because musicians argue that their freedom of expressions must be ensured. However, we should be aware that this censorship is unnecessary. Government should not censor all music with violent or explicit lyrics. There are reasons why I think that music censorship is unnecessary.
The music censorship did not just begin in the past 20 years. Actually, people have been censoring music all throughout the 20th century. After the 50's, the music censorship started becoming even more prominent because of musicians with more carefree attitude and heavily involved on drugs and sex. And in the 1960s, finally, the lyrical content became the main cause for censorship.
Especially in Korea, the past government corruptly used music censorship to achieve their political purpose. The music censorship by government had extensively implemented throughout 1970s by the Korea Broadcasting Ethics Committee and Korea Media Rating Board.
Most of the rap musics include violent and explicit contents, so they are censored by government. According to the searchable database of hip-hop lyrics from Rap Research Lab-founded by Tahir Hemphill-, however, the data showed very little correlation between the crimes in the lyrics and their counterparts. So the argument that violent or explicit lyrics influence crimes have to be accepted incredulously.
As the Universal Declaration of Human Rights emphasized, Everyone has the freedom of expression. Artists express their feelings and thoughts through their works. If the music is censored, musician's freedom of expression will be violated. Other genres of art are seemed to be censored less strictly than lyrics in music. Many songs are banned because of their violent or explicit contents and they cannot be played through mass media.
This kind of censorship unnecessarily invades the musicians' freedom of expression. Musicians cannot earn a living when their music does not receive enough attention. When the music censored and banned, It cannot be played on mass media so it won't receive enough attention. So, musicians will start to hide their real feelings and thoughts to pass the censorship, and the nature of music will be spoiled. Likewise, many songs were banned improperly under the dictatorship for the political rationalization.
What's more, music censorship by government can be used inappropriately. In South Korea, for example, 1960s ~ 70s was the age of dictatorship. Many people protest against the government, and government suppressed the protest using military force. They also banned the music used in a demo or seemed to be related in politics with ridiculous reasons. The most of songs banned at that time were banned with the reasons such as 'decadent lyrics', 'indecent singing method', 'encouraging distrust'. For example, the past Korean government had banned the song named 'Give me some water' stating the reason that the title and lyrics of the song reminds a water torture. Another example is the song named 'Gangling Fellow Mr. Kim'. The past Korean government had also banned that song stating the reason that the title and lyrics of the song would get on former president Park Jeong-Hee's nerves because he was short. The song named 'March for Lover' was banned under the military regime too because the lyrics of the song are about Gwangju Democratization Movement.
There are plenty of people, especially parents, who will dispute my position with concerning the bad influence of violent or explicit lyrics on children. Of course, violent or explicit contents are not good for children's sentiment. However, censoring those lyrics for children's sentiment does not make sense. As the parents instruct their children before they watch movies or cartoons, parents can instruct their children before they listen to music including violent or explicit lyrics. Some people who will dispute my position can argue that violent or explicit lyrics can cause crimes. There are statistic researched the relation between explicit lyrics and crime rate, however, and the data showed very little correlation between the explicit lyrics and their counterparts. For example, there was a significant crime drop between 1993 and 1995. However, crimes mentioned in lyrics steadily increased from 1993 to 1995. This fact can prove that violent or explicit lyrics does not directly influence crimes. When we see the violent movies or dramas, most of us don't take the contents as a real thing. Many people imagine the violent scene of such movies or dramas, but they don't copy that behavior. Likewise, music with violent or explicit lyrics do not influence crimes. So government do not have to concern about the relation between explicit lyrics and crime rate. Furthermore, some people will dispute my position with stating the examples of songs used in protest. However, the original intentions of many songs used in protest are actually not for the protest. For example, the song 'Wake Me Up When The September Ends' by Green Day is referred to one of the most powerful protest songs of the 21st Century. Many people used this song in protest against Bush. However, the original motivation of this song was not George Bush. Vocalist of the band, Billie Joe Armstrong, composed this song for his father. Likewise, most of artists do not make songs for demonstrational reason.
Nowadays, the standard for music censorship has been alleviated a lot. However, it is still hard to agree that we are living in the world of 'perfect' freedom of expression. Many musicians already hide their real feelings and thoughts and make music with commercial intention. They can't freely express their feelings and thoughts because of music censorship. They must be ensured their freedom of expression. The government does this because the government concern bad influences of music with violent or explicit lyrics on society. However, there is an evidence that those lyrics does not related to crime rate. Musicians are now violated their rights and freedom unnecessarily. Government should not censor all music with violent or explicit lyrics.
References
1. Morgan, Luke(2014. September 16). Is This Conclusive Proof That Rap Music Does Not Influence Crime? from http://noisey.vice.com/en_uk/blog/study-proves-rap-does-not-influence-crime
2. Hutchinson, Kate(2011. January 18). The 10 Most Powerful Protest Songs Of The 21st Century from http://flavorwire.com/143568/the-10-most-powerful-protest-songs-of-the-21st-century/2
2014년 12월 7일 일요일
Week 14 Peer Review - 20511 백해진
Grade
According to the rubric above, what grade would you give this essay? Why?
This essay should get four points. The structure is very clear and perfect. In addiction she uses some graphs let us easy to understand. Thus, the basic and proper research supports her arguments.
How does this essay need to improve to get a better grade?
I think there are a lot of statistic data in each paragraphs, reducing a few of them and taking some examples will better than before.
Thesis
What is the thesis?
Information come from media can be harmful because usually it contains exaggerated and sensational contents. Therefore, we should critically accept media by setting one’s own criterion.
Is the thesis clear and debatable?
Yes.
If you (The reviewer) wrote this essay, how would you have written the thesis?
Accepting the information from media is not always benefit for us.
Any other thoughts?
This essay is very interesting and funny. Before I read this essay, I did not know the media is harmful for us. Moreover, through her researching and essay I learned a lot.
Classical Argument
Can you easily identify the 5 parts of the classical argument? If no, what parts are missing?
Her classical arguments are very good. However, when I read narration, I find some mistakes. There are too many information and statistic data at her narration. Through some statistics data or the other information making us easy to understand is very good point. But I think when she writes her narration should examine both sides of issue or some popular opinions on both sides say.
Does the introduction catch your attention? Does it comfortably lead to the thesis?
The introduction catches my attention. She uses Malcolm X’s word to let us attention to her essay, it is very good point. Moreover, her thesis is very clear and comfortably.
Does the narration give all the necessary background information to understand the topic?
Yes, but if she tells us some opposes’ opinions or the other issue about the opinion of the affirmative side, it will better than now. But, generally, her narration gives all the necessary background information to understand the topic.
Does the confirmation adequately support the thesis?
Yes. She uses good explanation to support the thesis. Moreover, at the narration or the other paragraphs use many statistics data or the words of experts adequately to support the thesis.
Does the refutation and concession address a realistic counterpoint? Does it adequately dispute the counterpoint, or respond in a reasonable manner?
I think the counterpoint is very logical. She compares the people who are the affirmative side to argue that the media do not affect human and the people who are the negative side to take some information and explanations let us easily to accept her arguments. Her refutation responds in a reasonable manner. Therefore, her refutation is very reasonable.
Does the conclusion summarize the article and address the larger significance of the thesis?
Yes. I think her conclusion is saying that the dangerous of information from some of the media, moreover, she gives us enlightenment that we cannot avoid the media in today’s society. Therefore, we should have critical eyes to accept the media. Finally, she focus on using request to tell the dangerous of media.
What suggestions do you have for improving the classical argument structure?
Her essay is already very good. However, there are too many statistic data or some researches in each paragraphs, therefore, if she reduces a few of them will be better than before. Moreover, I think when she writes essay, she can use some easily questions to ask the reader do they understand.
Persuasion
When you started reading the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
I agree with the thesis.
When you finished the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
I still agree with the thesis.
If your mind changed, why? What parts of the essay were persuasive?
I did not change my mind. Because I learn more logical and reasonable arguments about the thesis through the essay.
How could the author enhance the persuasive parts of their essay?
The author enhances her arguments using the information that is some of the information is harmful at the media. In addiction she takes some children as an example to tell us the dangerous of media. Her persuasive is very nice.
Research
Is the author using research effectively?
Yes
Is the research from appropriate sources?
Yes.
Are the sources obvious?
Yes, the sources are obvious.
Are the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay?
Yes. Her researches and the words of experts who are Choudry and Malcolm X are relevant to the thesis and her essay.
Are there any parts of the essay that need evidence to support the claims?
I think at the second argument should be more information or explanation for her essay be better. She takes one example to support it. I think she need to evidence to support her claims.
According to the rubric above, what grade would you give this essay? Why?
This essay should get four points. The structure is very clear and perfect. In addiction she uses some graphs let us easy to understand. Thus, the basic and proper research supports her arguments.
How does this essay need to improve to get a better grade?
I think there are a lot of statistic data in each paragraphs, reducing a few of them and taking some examples will better than before.
Thesis
What is the thesis?
Information come from media can be harmful because usually it contains exaggerated and sensational contents. Therefore, we should critically accept media by setting one’s own criterion.
Is the thesis clear and debatable?
Yes.
If you (The reviewer) wrote this essay, how would you have written the thesis?
Accepting the information from media is not always benefit for us.
Any other thoughts?
This essay is very interesting and funny. Before I read this essay, I did not know the media is harmful for us. Moreover, through her researching and essay I learned a lot.
Classical Argument
Can you easily identify the 5 parts of the classical argument? If no, what parts are missing?
Her classical arguments are very good. However, when I read narration, I find some mistakes. There are too many information and statistic data at her narration. Through some statistics data or the other information making us easy to understand is very good point. But I think when she writes her narration should examine both sides of issue or some popular opinions on both sides say.
Does the introduction catch your attention? Does it comfortably lead to the thesis?
The introduction catches my attention. She uses Malcolm X’s word to let us attention to her essay, it is very good point. Moreover, her thesis is very clear and comfortably.
Does the narration give all the necessary background information to understand the topic?
Yes, but if she tells us some opposes’ opinions or the other issue about the opinion of the affirmative side, it will better than now. But, generally, her narration gives all the necessary background information to understand the topic.
Does the confirmation adequately support the thesis?
Yes. She uses good explanation to support the thesis. Moreover, at the narration or the other paragraphs use many statistics data or the words of experts adequately to support the thesis.
Does the refutation and concession address a realistic counterpoint? Does it adequately dispute the counterpoint, or respond in a reasonable manner?
I think the counterpoint is very logical. She compares the people who are the affirmative side to argue that the media do not affect human and the people who are the negative side to take some information and explanations let us easily to accept her arguments. Her refutation responds in a reasonable manner. Therefore, her refutation is very reasonable.
Does the conclusion summarize the article and address the larger significance of the thesis?
Yes. I think her conclusion is saying that the dangerous of information from some of the media, moreover, she gives us enlightenment that we cannot avoid the media in today’s society. Therefore, we should have critical eyes to accept the media. Finally, she focus on using request to tell the dangerous of media.
What suggestions do you have for improving the classical argument structure?
Her essay is already very good. However, there are too many statistic data or some researches in each paragraphs, therefore, if she reduces a few of them will be better than before. Moreover, I think when she writes essay, she can use some easily questions to ask the reader do they understand.
Persuasion
When you started reading the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
I agree with the thesis.
When you finished the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
I still agree with the thesis.
If your mind changed, why? What parts of the essay were persuasive?
I did not change my mind. Because I learn more logical and reasonable arguments about the thesis through the essay.
How could the author enhance the persuasive parts of their essay?
The author enhances her arguments using the information that is some of the information is harmful at the media. In addiction she takes some children as an example to tell us the dangerous of media. Her persuasive is very nice.
Research
Is the author using research effectively?
Yes
Is the research from appropriate sources?
Yes.
Are the sources obvious?
Yes, the sources are obvious.
Are the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay?
Yes. Her researches and the words of experts who are Choudry and Malcolm X are relevant to the thesis and her essay.
Are there any parts of the essay that need evidence to support the claims?
I think at the second argument should be more information or explanation for her essay be better. She takes one example to support it. I think she need to evidence to support her claims.
2014년 12월 4일 목요일
Week 14 Peer Review - 20510 박유진
Grade
According to the rubric above, what grade would you give this essay, why? -
3 points. I want to say that the topic of this essay is really connected with our lives. Your essay follows the classical argument format well and contains some evidence of drafting and research. I'm sure that you put a tremendous amount of effort to write this essay. I think you did well so far, but there are somethings you should change for getting 2 more points. Now I will tell you why I gave you 3 points for you 2nd draft. First, there are quite a lot of sentences that disturb the meanings that you wanted to say. So, I think your essay would be better if you correct some sentences and style based on my suggestion. Second,I don't think that others will refute your argument because jealousy is naturally on alert by people. I would like to suggest that if you want to maintain your thesis, then, in the part of rebuttal, It would be better to say like " opponent people do not think jealousy is the most dangerous feeling for human mind .. and the feeling that other people think the most dangerous is"
How does this essay need to improve to get a better grade?
First, there are quite a lot of sentences that disturb the meanings that you wanted to say. So, I think your essay would be better if you correct some sentences and style based on my suggestion. Second,I don't think that others will refute your argument because jealousy is naturally on alert by people. I would like to suggest that if you want to maintain your thesis, then, in the part of rebuttal, It would be better to say like " opponent people do not think jealousy is the most dangerous feeling for human mind .. and the feeling that other people think the most dangerous is".Also, i think you should correct your grammar mistakes to help readers to understand it more comfortable
Thesis
What is the thesis?
jealousy is one of the most dangerous emotions for human mind.
Is the thesis clear and debatable?
The thesis is clear but not debatable.
If you (The reviewer) wrote this essay, how would you have written the thesis?
Any other thoughts?
Jealousy is the most dangerous emotions among human mind.
Classical Argument
Can you easily identify the 5 parts of the classical argument? If no, what parts are missing?
Yes, i can. I already marked it..
Does the introduction catch your attention? Does it comfortably lead to the thesis?
Yes, it contains interesting stories and adages that can help readers' understanding. But, i cannot find the reason why the author said about the story. I don't think the story is not relevant your thesis. I would be better if you connect the captivating story and your thesis.
Does the narration give all the necessary background information to understand the topic?
Actually, I did not know the differences between "envious" and " jealous". It was good, only this thing, it is not enough. I recommend you add what makes you think the jealousy is the most dangerous feeling in human .... For example, It would be good if you talk about other feelings are not as dangerous as jealousy.
Does the confirmation adequately support the thesis?
Yes, it is.
Does the refutation and concession address a realistic counterpoint? Does it adequately dispute the counterpoint, or respond in a reasonable manner?
- I think your refutation is a little weak than your opponents' argument. So I think you should think more about the expected counter arguments and refute them. I don't think it is enough.
Does the conclusion summarize the article and address the larger significance of the thesis? I think you should summarize your argument again. In your conclusion, there are only your suggestions.
What suggestions do you have for improving the classical argument structure?
I want to say that the topic of this essay is really connected with our lives. Your essay follows the classical argument format well and contains some evidence of drafting and research. I'm sure that you put a tremendous amount of effort to write this essay. I think you did well so far, but there are somethings you should change for getting 2 more points. Now I will tell you why I gave you 3 points for you 2nd draft. First, there are quite a lot of sentences that disturb the meanings that you wanted to say. So, I think your essay would be better if you correct some sentences and style based on my suggestion. Second,I don't think that others will refute your argument because jealousy is naturally on alert by people. I would like to suggest that if you want to maintain your thesis, then, in the part of rebuttal, It would be better to say like " opponent people do not think jealousy is the most dangerous feeling for human mind .. and the feeling that other people think the most dangerous is".
First, there are quite a lot of sentences that disturb the meanings that you wanted to say. So, I think your essay would be better if you correct some sentences and style based on my suggestion. Second,I don't think that others will refute your argument because jealousy is naturally on alert by people. I would like to suggest that if you want to maintain your thesis, then, in the part of rebuttal, It would be better to say like " opponent people do not think jealousy is the most dangerous feeling for human mind .. and the feeling that other people think the most dangerous is".Also, i think you should correct your grammar mistakes to help readers to understand it more comfortable
Persuasion
When you started reading the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
I have never thought of the thesis.
When you finished the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
I do not agree with the thesis.
If your mind changed, why? What parts of the essay were persuasive?
Although i did not change my mind, the examples and research was compelling to persuade other people.
How could the author enhance the persuasive parts of their essay?I think it can be the great persuasive essay if you articulate the first, second, third reasons why jealousy is the most dangerous feeling and why the other feelings like envy ,greed, obsession are not as dangerous as it.
Research
Is the author using research effectively?
Yes.
Is the research from appropriate sources?
I think so. But i think you need more research to strengthen you narration and rebuttal and concession part
Are the sources obvious?
Yes. they are.
Are the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay?
Yes. But i don't know why the author talked about the difference between jealousy and envy.
Are there any parts of the essay that need evidence to support the claims?
According to the rubric above, what grade would you give this essay, why? -
3 points. I want to say that the topic of this essay is really connected with our lives. Your essay follows the classical argument format well and contains some evidence of drafting and research. I'm sure that you put a tremendous amount of effort to write this essay. I think you did well so far, but there are somethings you should change for getting 2 more points. Now I will tell you why I gave you 3 points for you 2nd draft. First, there are quite a lot of sentences that disturb the meanings that you wanted to say. So, I think your essay would be better if you correct some sentences and style based on my suggestion. Second,I don't think that others will refute your argument because jealousy is naturally on alert by people. I would like to suggest that if you want to maintain your thesis, then, in the part of rebuttal, It would be better to say like " opponent people do not think jealousy is the most dangerous feeling for human mind .. and the feeling that other people think the most dangerous is"
How does this essay need to improve to get a better grade?
First, there are quite a lot of sentences that disturb the meanings that you wanted to say. So, I think your essay would be better if you correct some sentences and style based on my suggestion. Second,I don't think that others will refute your argument because jealousy is naturally on alert by people. I would like to suggest that if you want to maintain your thesis, then, in the part of rebuttal, It would be better to say like " opponent people do not think jealousy is the most dangerous feeling for human mind .. and the feeling that other people think the most dangerous is".Also, i think you should correct your grammar mistakes to help readers to understand it more comfortable
Thesis
What is the thesis?
jealousy is one of the most dangerous emotions for human mind.
Is the thesis clear and debatable?
The thesis is clear but not debatable.
If you (The reviewer) wrote this essay, how would you have written the thesis?
Any other thoughts?
Jealousy is the most dangerous emotions among human mind.
Classical Argument
Can you easily identify the 5 parts of the classical argument? If no, what parts are missing?
Yes, i can. I already marked it..
Does the introduction catch your attention? Does it comfortably lead to the thesis?
Yes, it contains interesting stories and adages that can help readers' understanding. But, i cannot find the reason why the author said about the story. I don't think the story is not relevant your thesis. I would be better if you connect the captivating story and your thesis.
Does the narration give all the necessary background information to understand the topic?
Actually, I did not know the differences between "envious" and " jealous". It was good, only this thing, it is not enough. I recommend you add what makes you think the jealousy is the most dangerous feeling in human .... For example, It would be good if you talk about other feelings are not as dangerous as jealousy.
Does the confirmation adequately support the thesis?
Yes, it is.
Does the refutation and concession address a realistic counterpoint? Does it adequately dispute the counterpoint, or respond in a reasonable manner?
- I think your refutation is a little weak than your opponents' argument. So I think you should think more about the expected counter arguments and refute them. I don't think it is enough.
Does the conclusion summarize the article and address the larger significance of the thesis? I think you should summarize your argument again. In your conclusion, there are only your suggestions.
What suggestions do you have for improving the classical argument structure?
I want to say that the topic of this essay is really connected with our lives. Your essay follows the classical argument format well and contains some evidence of drafting and research. I'm sure that you put a tremendous amount of effort to write this essay. I think you did well so far, but there are somethings you should change for getting 2 more points. Now I will tell you why I gave you 3 points for you 2nd draft. First, there are quite a lot of sentences that disturb the meanings that you wanted to say. So, I think your essay would be better if you correct some sentences and style based on my suggestion. Second,I don't think that others will refute your argument because jealousy is naturally on alert by people. I would like to suggest that if you want to maintain your thesis, then, in the part of rebuttal, It would be better to say like " opponent people do not think jealousy is the most dangerous feeling for human mind .. and the feeling that other people think the most dangerous is".
First, there are quite a lot of sentences that disturb the meanings that you wanted to say. So, I think your essay would be better if you correct some sentences and style based on my suggestion. Second,I don't think that others will refute your argument because jealousy is naturally on alert by people. I would like to suggest that if you want to maintain your thesis, then, in the part of rebuttal, It would be better to say like " opponent people do not think jealousy is the most dangerous feeling for human mind .. and the feeling that other people think the most dangerous is".Also, i think you should correct your grammar mistakes to help readers to understand it more comfortable
Persuasion
When you started reading the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
I have never thought of the thesis.
When you finished the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
I do not agree with the thesis.
If your mind changed, why? What parts of the essay were persuasive?
Although i did not change my mind, the examples and research was compelling to persuade other people.
How could the author enhance the persuasive parts of their essay?I think it can be the great persuasive essay if you articulate the first, second, third reasons why jealousy is the most dangerous feeling and why the other feelings like envy ,greed, obsession are not as dangerous as it.
Research
Is the author using research effectively?
Yes.
Is the research from appropriate sources?
I think so. But i think you need more research to strengthen you narration and rebuttal and concession part
Are the sources obvious?
Yes. they are.
Are the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay?
Yes. But i don't know why the author talked about the difference between jealousy and envy.
Are there any parts of the essay that need evidence to support the claims?
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